We Are Family, I Got All My Mallus With Me...

In true Cherukara (for those that don't know, that's the family name) style, us cousins had our own little family gathering - for the first time breaking free of our parents and doing it all on our own.
For you to capture the essence of the Cherukara family, I need to paint you a little picture of what its like being a part of this family, what it's like growing up in this family, the quirks and the traditions of this family.
The head of this esteemed household is the late C.S. George (A.K.A Appacha) A legendary man, a devout christian and a loyal and doting grandfather to us. His sense of humour was incomparable and the stories of his stunts and gimmicks was the stuff that has carried us through many a nights over the years. And being blessed with some members of the family gifted in acting and mimicry, the legend lives on.
Married to the wonderfully kind, understanding and rock solid Annamma George (A.K.A Ammachy)known to us for her faith and love (for us and for god), her tolerance for what life deals her, and (let's face it) the Cherukara men, together they had six children. Yes, SIX children. Who in turn had a total combined number of fourteen children, which is the current running generation of the Cherukara clan.
So this time we stepped up, travelling great distances, putting aside work and other priorities to do some good old family bonding.
So the first thing about the Cherukaras is that we just love our drink. So we kick start our gathering in the afternoon with a couple of beers, followed by a huge, delicious, heart stopping, cholestrol inducing lunch, followed by the requisite snooze.
Come evening, everyone troops downstairs and we have our priorities straight. Keeping with the Cherukara tradition, we have the family photo session. Women seated, Husbands behind their wives, Babies in their laps, and the unmarried folk jump in anywhere (but always, always women in front, men behind) After several dozen photographs have been taken, we troop onto the lawn, dragging our plastic chairs with us and settle into a circle to commence with the drinking. As the alcohol flows, so does the erachi olathiyathu (beef fry).. 2 kilos worth to be precise.
Keeping with tradition, the whole night is being captured on video and of course being photographed, as we swap stories of our memories of our infamous grandfather, stories of our childhood and our numerous previous gatherings growing up.
We are however proud to say that we also did things a little differently. For the first time I think, the women sat and enjoyed the alcohol and conversation as freely as the men did, and the men also took turns helping out with the cranky babies, putting them down for the night. Someone jokingly said perhaps with this coming generation the women may sit around in the circle on the lawn drinking while the men stay indoors with the babies and frying the cutlets. One can always hope..:)
As the night wore on, we drank some more, did some terrible karaoke (I guess the one thing we don't have are the musical genes), and wrapped up the night with a good old mallu dinner complete with Kerala paratha.
All in all it was a grand success. After all our scoffing at our parents for their endless gatherings, somehow I believe that the story of the Cherukara reunions is far from over.

Money, Money, Money... MONEY

For the longest time I've had the feeling that Im being wrongly accused and repeatedly sentenced for the crime of spending too much of my money. I could never really understand this, for if you actually look at the book of accounts, what I have spent is a minute, marginal factor of what my ever-so-responsible sister was spending!!
Now Im not suggesting that she was being frivolous. Infact, Im not going into any detail at all about how much she spent and on what. Suffice it to say that it was mutliples of mine.
But you can imagine how it would make my blood boil.. the sheer injustice of it all. I mean come one! Here I am, actually trying to be responsible with my money, live within my means, even going so far as to live practically outside the city because I couldn't afford more, living in a hell hole because I didn't want to ask for the money to do the place up and at the most asking for a few hundered bucks a month to float me if needed. And I would be lectured about how responsible my sister is with her money, how she invests!! Hell, I'd invest too, except with all of the above, investing doesn't really fall into my scheme of things.
Anyway, somehow a few days ago, this started becoming a real problem for me. And everytime I thought about it, I would just start to see Red.
And it all came to a flash point when I was taking a nap, and the damn dog, sleeping under my bed started barking like a lunatic, shooting me straight upright. So I lay there, fuming mad, and guess what I started thinking about. And guess what I wanted to do about it.. write all about it in my blog, spew all this venom for the world to see..
Then perhaps by divine intervention, I looked at my phone and I saw a chirpy,cheery message from my mother. And just like that I calmed down, and I realised that whatever else is going on, she's not doing this on purpose. So I called her, and had a conversation with her that was long overdue I think.
She admitted that perhaps she's been judging me based on an image of my past, and not who I am with my money today. Although, we did branch into other areas of possible improvement for me.. where I conceded..a little.. in my head.. But I'm working on it.
But the point is, that I went from wanting to write a fury filled, venomous blog post to writing one that's completely appreciative of my mom and how willing she is to listen and understand..
How cool is that? I guess I should have tried this a few months sooner..:)

Let's Talk About Sex...

There are some things that people say should not be mentioned. Some things that are meant to be kept within the family, the four walls of your home, within your mind, and behind your bedroom door. One of these is sex.
Now, Im going to discuss this freely and hopefully objectively on ths forum, since i consider this to be my space, where I reign queen. And while I am sure this particular post will garner more than a few frowns and outright shock, i think its high time people stopped pretending that it doesn't happen, it's not natural and it's not pleasurable.
Long gone are the days when women go to their marriage bed, blushing virgins. I think today, women especially, are more aggressive in terms of what they want sexually from their partner, and more vocal about how to achieve it.
Whether it is through the television, radio, internet, billboards, magazines, newspapers or even through friends, women are now tremendously more educated on how to have sex, safe sex and (if I may say it) mind blowing sex.
What confuses me about the society that we live in, is why people act like this is something that we need to pretend doesn't happen. After all, do we not want our sisters or our daughters to have a thriving, exciting, stimulating sex life. Or would we rather they lie in bed, in dread waiting to perform their marital duty, simply because they are so ill equipped to deal with the level of intimacy thrust upon them.
Wouldn't the man enjoy having a sexual relationship with a woman who obviously enjoys and partakes in the act as much as him, rather than have a mere vessel in which to purge himself.
And what of those couples (married or unmarried) that are unable to openly express their sexual desires to each other? Should they not have other avenues of exploration and education available to help them?
The idea that sex is something that can only be shared between two people that are married (but I think perhaps not necessarily in love) is ludicrous. I believe the institution of marriage was put into place to regulate people, to build a society, and at that time to regulate the act of procreation. Today, I believe that institution is becoming obsolete. And I believe that today, sex as an act is gaining acceptance as something that is not sacred or holy, it is not something that should be done out of duty or obligation, and it doesn't need to be something painful and embarassing.
People today turn to spouses, partners, same-sex partners, friends and even strangers for sex for a multitude of reasons. Some turn to each other through love, others for trust, affection, comfort and even straight forward, no strings attached attraction. One reason does not have to better than the other, for two lives are not the same and so decisions cannot be measured against the same yardstick.
I believe people need to have the freedom to experiment, to see what they enjoy, what makes them uncomfortable, to discover how far they are willing to go.
They need to learn to use their body, to appreciate their body, and to thrive on the pleasure gained and given through their body. Sex is not a one-way ticket to hell.
So I say, Be Safe, Be Responsible.. But Be Bold.