Romancing The Bottle

I'm ashamed to say it, but I have to admit that I cannot hold my liquor. Over the years I 've used a multitude of reasons to convince myself that this does not matter, from saying that I'm young, that it's one night, everyone's having such a great time, it's all between friends and even going so far as to believe that i can't dance without a drink in my hand... well, three hours later, needless to say, I'm drunk and I'm defintely not dancing...
I used to say when I was younger that I would smoke but I would never drink. I remember always looking at the people around me who were falling down drunk with such distaste and think to myself that I will never let myself look like that.
To be honest, I'm not sure why I've learnt to drink the way I do.. I cannot really decide whether I start drinking by giving in to the peer pressure, or whether I start drinking because I actively crave the alcohol. After all, I know that for everytime I've given in to my friends about having a drink when I had decided I would not, I know that I have also called them up and dragged them to a bar to have a drink... to take the edge off...!! (shudder)
When I think about it, I'm not overly concerned that I have a drinking problem. I can go quite comfortably for a stretch of time without feeling the slightest urge to have a drink, and sometimes when people around me are drinking, I ignore this urge. My problem is that I never taught myself to drink right, to drink responsibly and most important to me, drink gracefully. I never taught myself how to pace myself, when to say no and when to say enough.
Now you can call me lazy, but I have no intention of teaching myself how either. Since there's a part of me that's become wary of the drink, I've come to the conclusion that the only thing for me to do is to take control, free myself from this vicious cycle of drinking and drama, and end my soul-sapping love affair with the bottle.
So for all my friends who have always said I'm so much of fun when I drink and when I party, and that there's no one as crazy as me in a club, I hope you all still find that I'm the same girl, just with a little more dignity.

Crash and Burn..

Why is it that drifting from being friends to more seems like a natural progression, but reversing the process is so complicated?
I met this guy, and one month into hanging out (and all that that entailed), I decided I wanted to have the 'where is this heading' conversation. Well, perhaps that conversation was required because it was explained to me in no uncertain terms that he is not looking for a relationship and he would be more than happy to just be friends.
Now, I know how that looks... it looks like I got duped. But regardless of how it seems, I don't really think that's what happened. This guy is not malicious, he's not rude or mean or disrespectful. He just doesn't want a relationship. Now perhaps I can argue that if he knew that all along, he could have made that clear before the relationship went physical, but then again I don't think either of us anticipated that happening so quickly.
While I am disappointed, after all I really did actually quite like this guy, I have to respect his point of view. I can't take offense that he doesn't want something more, that is his right. Well, maybe I can take a little offense..But that's my right...:)
There is a slightly bruised part of me that's a bit hurt, embarrassed and insulted that he managed to so flippantly brush aside the whole idea of looking at something more, with what appeared to be remarkably little regret... but then again I have to assume the man knows his own mind.
I was told that there is no need for me to feel wounded or embarrassed because he does in fact like me, he just doesn't want to date me... Somehow that doesn't make me feel any better because the woman inside me is thinking, 'well, maybe you like me, but you obviously don't like me enough!'
Now I actually am not in love with this man in the least. I'm fond of him, I enjoy his company and I would have enjoyed the opportunity to take things a little further.... But I think what's gotten to me was the unequivocal NO. It's not that I've never been rejected or I think it's impossible for a guy to not want to be with me,... It's just that I think I had this guy pegged all wrong.
I'm used to knowing right at the offset pretty much how it's going to go... You usually know if it's a fling, and the approximate lifespan of a fling.
This guy wanted to take things slow right from the beginning, leading me to believe that he was taking it seriously and wanted to see where things went. Then when we started fooling around, he still wanted to take things slow. At all these points of time, I was misinterpreting the reason he was taking things slow as that he wanted to do it right and not because he wasn't sure if he wanted to take things further!
Perhaps it was destined for doom right at the get-go... Now the real question is, can we start over and this time just be friends...?? I'm not too sure, because for one thing, while my bruised ego makes me want to take a snap at him every once in a while, apparently my brain hasn't told my body yet that it's not working out! Pride and Lust... it doesn't seem to be the best recipe for friendship, does it?!!

The Road To Perdition

After three months of sitting on my butt, I FINALLY scored what appeared to be a great opportunity to work with the TV station TV9. Little did I know that it would be the equivalent to selling my soul, my social life and my will to live.

When I went for the interview, which was initially a written test to guage my writing skills, all seemed to go well. But when I didn't hear from them for over a week, I resorted to hounding them, initially as a follow up, and later out of sheer perverseness, since I had explicitly told them I wanted a response either way.. (And I thought it was extremely badly behaved of them to leave me hanging)... In retrospect, that should have been my first clue that it was all going to go south...

Eventually, I did get a call for a second round of interviews. Buoyed by my natural optimism, i showed up fresh faced and enthusiastic 25 minutes ahead of time.. I was made to wait a total of an hour and 15 minutes before my interviewer deigned to show up.... That should have been my second clue...

In the course of my interview, I was told that since I have no prior work experience in journalism, have never studied journalism and cannot speak Kannada or Tamil, I am being hired purely for my writing skills and I am effectively useless to the company.....Third clue perhaps?

Then they listed down the rules and stipulations - The 10 hr shift system, the 3 month salary deposit and the 3 month notice period... By this time my ever present optimism had taken quite a hit... But nonetheless, I agreed (fool is me) to join and showed up starry-eyed and shitting bricks the following monday.

Within the first 48 hours, it was becoming exceedingly apparent to me that I had made a grave error in judgement. The news9 office was what I imagine any government office to run like. The head Babus posturing and screaming at everyone in sight and the rest of the staff scurrying around like mice, taking as many smoke breaks as possible to gain some peace of mind and vent their frustration, and don't even get me started on the office politics!

Being the new comer who didn't know anyone, I think I was given a crash course on job satisfaction and employee morale.... simply put, there was none. In a nutshell I was told to keep my head down, my mouth shut, not to gossip, stay on the boss's good side, smile and nod when people bitched and to always be non-committal...It's somewhere around now that I really started to panic.

However, I still had not signed any papers, a fact that they were aware of, so the News9 babus were on their best behavior with me, asking me how I liked it, asking me if I was happy, if I had any complaints... lulling me into a false sense of job satisfaction.

However, luckily for me, my ever dissatisfied colleagues kept me from being completely blinkered. After all, no matter how good your day is going, after listening to ten hours of bitching you're bound to wonder if someday that's going to be you.. Heaven forbid!!

So after taking stock of the one Pro (the work ex) and the numerous Cons, I woke up this morning and threw in the towel. Perhaps it was a tremendous opportunity to learn and maybe people will say that I lost out, and maybe people will think I didn't have what it takes to stick it out... Perhaps I didn't.. But then again, shouldn't the profession you've chosen for the rest of your life provide you with satisfaction and joy? Shouldn't you want to wake up in the morning and go to work? I'm all for the struggle and I've never ever shirked hard work in my professional life... but when the thought of walking into your office where you're spending most of your waking hours fills you with dread... now, then there's something wrong.

I suppose it's all just a matter of degree of how much you can take.. Giving up my time, my social life and my sleep cycle for a job I hated...well, I guess now I know just how much is too much..!!

I Walk The Line

When I started writing this blog, I was of the opinion that I would be a bold and fearless writer addressing every issue or controversy that I had an opinion on, with no compromise to myself or anyone else.
I now face a problem.. What happens when you meet a boy and he reads your blog?! (describing in detail your past escapades, your flings, your relationships... and your evaluation of mens attributes in no uncertain terms!!).. You can be sure he's going to balk at the idea of eventually being included in this accounting.
Being a woman, I love to talk. And I mean really talk about everything! Who i met, how he looked, what he said, what he did, what his friends were like, where we went, what we ate, how we danced, what we danced to, what time we got home, how he kissed, where we kissed, where his hands were, maybe even how high I had to stretch..... and eventually more..:)
Sorry boys, it's a fact of life. You gotta deal.
Now I'm suddenly faced with the question of 'Do I still proceed with writing my every thought, emotion and opinion with as much abandon as earlier?'
Do I start taking what he has to say about it into account, or throw caution to the winds and proceed full steam ahead. (The problem with that is, I may eventually sink faster than the Titanic).
Or do I just carry on as per usual and expect him to be a good sport.
But here's the deal, I started this blog to talk about me and my life. I have written about my family and friends. And sometimes I've written in less than flattering terms. While it might sound lofty to say this, I've always tried to be objective and write the truth, whether it's about me or anyone else.
So I suppose it wouldn't be doing justice to the vision I had when I started this, or to my readers, if I started dishing out the same old, overdone, politically-correct drivel.
So to the present and future men in my life, I have to say, I'm sorry my loves, but the blog was here first.

Boy, I know you did NOT just say that..!

I've come to the conclusion that there has to be something to be said for the concept that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. How is it that when two women or even twenty women are conversing they're just all on the same page. Come on, we're practically finishing each others sentences. And I'm not even necessarily speaking of women that know each other!.. But put ONE man and ONE woman in conversation with each other, and WHAM.. chaos and confusion....!!

I'm not saying that things go wrong right from the moment they meet.. but boy, give it time..

Now I don't know who to feel more sorry for.. The woman who has just been inadvertently insulted, slighted or ignored.. or the guy who's wondering what the hell just happened!
How is it that a God who made the heaven and earth, the universe, the oceans, the birds, the bees, the animals and the humans forgot to put us on the same page! or at least grant us the intelligence to figure it out as the milleniums progress!!

We can put a man on the moon, send satellites into space, create weapons of mass destruction and travel around the world in a matter of hours, but we still go home at the end of the night saying 'Do you KNOW what that douchebag said????!!!'... How can it be this hard?!

Style Me Up Scotty

Im lending my space to my good friend Neha Patodia who has launched a website called Styleme, for all of us who've lost our way down the endlessly twisting road of modern day fashion. so please read on everyone, and show Neha some LOVE!!..
If you like her site, please go onto facebook and 'like' it and refer it to your friends for them to like it too..

We all spend a lot of time, money and energy in finding the right clothes and fashion accessories for ourselves. Imagine if there was a way to optimise your shopping visits and know what suits your needs best. Now, there thankfully is a place where your fashion related queries can be answered. Mumbai’s first state-of-the online fashion directory empowers you with all the information you need. Whether you want to locate a store or find out what’s on sale, http://www.styleme.co.in/ will bring you the hottest buys, the best picks and genuine reviews of some of the best known, relatively unknown and new store openings in the city.From designer wear to one-off small boutiques, Styleme will give you specific guidelines and customised help to fulfil your needs and demands. Clothes, jewellery, accessories, fashionable stationary, eyewear—men, women and children can find all their questions answered.The detailed listings will give you the exact location, contact details and even opening hours of the stores you are looking to visit. It will offer details on parking availability, credit/ debit card acceptance policies, exchange policies and what to expect from the store.From affordable dressing to personal styling and makeovers you can find all kinds of fashion-related services at Styleme. Save time and make the most of your shopping spend with http://www.styleme.co.in
Log on to be a part of this online shopaholic community!
Styleme

BCG - The Susegad Way

For those of you who are wondering, the word 'Susegad' to Goans, means lazy. On the BCG trip to Goa, we were anything but Susegad. From the moment we arrived, we were unstoppable for 48 hours till on Sunday afternoon we all returned, fairly comatose back to our own homes and own lives.

But for those 48 hours we went completely and utterly insane!!

The deal was a 2 night-3 day stay at The Park Hyatt hotel in South Goa. Words cannot adequately describe how absolutely beautiful that place is. With lush lawns, three swimming pools, a private beach and a nice, hot, bubbly jacuzzzi, I was in holiday heaven.
One thing I can say about BCG, they really know how to do things in style!

We reached on Friday afternoon and after all the hellos had been said and the lunch had been eaten, we hit the beach, then the pool, then the oh-my-god-jacuzzi, and back to the pool. And as you lie around in the water, nursing a beer, you think life doesn't get much better than this...... then we hit the party..

Sporting my cute little cocktail dress, we scooted on to the banquet hall for some drinking and lots of dancing..when we arrived, it was like being greeted by the paparazzi, with flashbulbs going off everywhere. So there I stood, feeling sexy with a glass of champagne in my hand, thinking to myself 'yep, life can definitely always get better'..:) and boy, did we live it. We danced, and danced and drank and drank the night away.. a few tequila shots down, I was barefoot and disheveled, but who cares, I was in Goa, and having the time of my life..!

Towards the end of the night, not too many of us could walk straight, and I was definitely not one of them. By this time it was 4.00 AM and I decided I was hungry!! So the ever sweet staff of the park hyatt fixed me a plate of tomato sandwiches to get me to stop bargaining with them for a plate of food..which I was terribly grateful for.

The next day was spent in a similar fashion, starting with lunch, a snooze for me, the beach and finally the jacuzzi.. (again). The nights theme was Hawaiin night. This time round everyone paced themselves with the drinking..and lord, did we dance!

Around 3.00 AM, me and my accomplice decided to take a little midnight dip into the lagoon. So there we were, just the two of us in this beautiful, quiet pool of water, bobbing along, with a beer in hand, with nothing and no one around us, except the quiet.. It was absolutely divine.. After which, I played the shortest game of poker of my life. I bought in for a hundred bucks and five minutes later, it was gone. Need I mention I was in a slightly inebriated state :)...

Back in the room, we stayed awake a little while longer, catching up, now that it was all coming to an end.

The next morning was a delicious English breakfast, followed by hurried packing, hurried goodbyes and suddenly, we were back on the bus again, heading to the airport...

The whole experience was absolutely divine. It was my own little pocketful of sunshine.

Now am back in Bangalore, and missing my friends. But I'm not grieving whole heartedly. After all, New Years is right around the corner, and the sun shall shine once more..:)