Tik Tok!

With a little distance and space in Pune, I think I may have gotten a little too wrapped up in the situation and blown it straight out of proportion.
I was told, when I was speaking about this to a friend, that I have a tendency of moving much faster than the guy, and I don't allow for any breathing space and for the relationship to take its own natural course (well, he didn't say the last part, but that's just a natural result of the situation). It's not just that I can be a little OCD about these things, the problem also is that I feel like im working against a clock here. If Symbiosis does work out, I will take it in a heartbeat, which means that a few months later this is all just a distant dream.
But now, being in Pune, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not serving any purpose by trying to force the situation into something it's not and something it may never become. I've lost focus on how I feel admist all the agonising over how he feels and what he's doing. I made it work and not fun. I made it exhausting - most importantly, for me :) 
Finally, after all this obsessing, I'm more than happy to go back to square one and just be myself, and just admit to myself that this is not a relationship, it's way too early to classify it as such, and if in 3 mths time if it's still not there, then it's not time wasted. I think the problem with women is that we think that if we can't classify it as a relationship, or a fling or something, then we have nothing to show for that time together. 
And I also think sometimes talking and sharing with your friends is over rated. The problem with talking about this guy with your girl friends is that before you know it words like 'dating' and 'relationship' are floating around with abandon, and before you know it, you're using it too!! And when you start using words like that you know where you're headed. Those words come followed by expectations, 'talks', endearments and other declarations that are pretty much better left to develop on their own.
So why did I flip my lid and jump the gun? Well, I think mostly because I know I can like this guy very much, and if you think about it three months isn't so long. So I think the minute you realise that you could care about this person, it's difficult to ignore the fact that it could also be very short lived. But what changed now for me was that I was starting to lose my center.. For me, it became more about him and less about me. Why doesn't he call me, why does he take so long to reply to my sms, why why why... because it seemed like something that someone who cares about you is supposed to do!..But it never occured to me to question whether I would actually like him to do these things. Yes, I do like phone calls and text messsages and dinners and sleep overs, but not under duress! Somewhere along the way, I started trying to mold this man into what I think a relationship man should be. But again, we're not in a relationship! :)
It's not that I'm thick in the head, it's just that I tend to get caught up in the excitement of it all and forget to relax and just enjoy it.... But one thing's for certain.. No more girl talks for me. They're just no good for me!

He's just not that into you!!

I have decided that there's only so far a girl can go making excuses for a relationship not going well. And I refuse to believe that meeting a guy for lunch or dinner once a week and maybe staying the night, interspersed with zero phone calls but frequent texting constitutes a relationship going well! I have more contact with my friends, and I'm not sleeping with any of them!!

When we had 'the talk' about what this could possibly be, I was buoyed by the fact that he said he wasn't looking at this to be a fling. Now on further reflection, I'm inclined to believe that all that implied was that he won't be sleeping with anyone else. Accompanied with this statement came none of the things that you would normally see in a relationship - primarily, a desire to see more of each other!

And I absolutely refuse to put this down to cultural differences either. No matter which part of the globe you come from, if you like someone, you're going to want to spend as much time as you can with them, you're going to want to meet for a quick cup of coffee, go catch a movie, pick up the phone and call just to hear her voice and say hi, make plans to go out together, meet each others friends.. something!!.. and definitely not make your own separate plans, with your own friends to go to the same place!

And there's also only so much that I can put down to being reserved or even fiercely independent. Even those things tend to lessen in intensity if it's for someone you feel something for.

And finally, it does take a lot out of you too, for as much as I don't know him, because truth be told he just doesn't let me in.. he doesn't know me either, because he won't let me show him. It's very difficult to be yourself with a person when they won't show you who they are. He once described me as intelligent, interesting and beautiful. I am all of those things..:) and I was flattered that he thought so, but I'm also so much more. I'm quirky and affectionate, and clumsy and sometimes silly, I walk into things and like to go out and go nuts, I'm a slob in the morning, and usually clean compulsively at night. There's so much more to me than he sees, partly because I don't know how it will be received, and partly because we just don't spend enough time with each other for him to discover it on his own.

All things considered, I wonder if I should swallow that bitter pill that's liberated women the world over... Alright ladies, say it for me then... "He's just not that into you...!! "