There are times I feel ridiculously young, and there are times I forget that I'm not yet twenty four. This is one of those times. You would think the fact that I'm back in college would make me feel like a kid again, but all it does is make you feel older than all the other twenty one year olds there. To cap this off, my personal life has taken a drastically serious twist. Admittedly probably because of me, and my need to discuss everything, sort everything out and categorize then sub-categorize every mood, expression and feeling.
Needless to say, I've worn myself out. I have analyzed and then over analyzed every aspect of my relationship this past week to such an extent that I have reached the point of nearly being ex-communicated by my friends.. and then I analyzed some more.
I've driven myself so crazy this past week, that the idea of just switching off mentally and retiring into my own pleasant little world with retro music playing in the background and maybe a semi nude Virat Kohli (yea he's my latest obsession) wandering about, is a very appealing prospect.
Unfortunately for me, I also find it extremely difficult to switch off emotionally. I like to have my daily hit of love and affection, and as important, share the same..
But of late, I think I've been overloading my system with great floods of emotion. The problem with being in a new place, with new people, is that you tend to cling to the familiar. Or in my case, focus too much on the familiar.. When you care a great deal about something, you worry about losing it and as a result you risk smothering it. You forget that sometimes maybe a little bit of distance and forgive the word, indifference can be a good thing.. That it's healthy.. and once you realise that, it's also a relief. It's a relief to stop focusing so strongly on something else and focus on yourself instead. I'm a person who's had a very involved relationship with herself for years, and as much as I love my boyfriend, and the relationship I'm in..I'll always love myself more. And I believe that can only be a good thing..:)
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Back to the grind
It's been exactly two weeks since I moved base to Symbiosis, and now that I finally have a laptop (yay) I can continue to keep this blog going.
When I first got here I was shocked at how easily I slipped back into college and hostel life. It was almost like I'd never left. I unpacked in an hour, figured out where the water cooler was, stocked up on coffee, tea, sugar, milk powder, cup noodles etc, and slept like I'd been drugged on my first night here. I also discovered that hostel food is the same, the nation over, that dal will always be watery, and if you have enough pickle, the human body can consume almost anything.
I met a ton of people and of course had the usual initial trouble of not really knowing who to talk to and where I fit in, but knowing that as long as there is someone standing near me, and talking to me, I'm fine. But through all this, strangely I was not in the least bit homesick.
I think it hit me around day five or six. That's when you've been gone long enough for people to stop making the sympathy calls, and u're pretty much left to entertain yourself. Needless to say, I was at my whiney best for these few days.
Luckily, before I bored myself senseless with the incessant cribbing and whining about how it's so cold, and i'm so far away from everyone, and I'm on top of a hill, and there are bugs in my loo, and an earthworm fell on my head, and someone saw a snake and the classes are a cycle ride away, and i didn't know where to smoke... see how it goes? :) Well, as I was saying, before I went completely mad, I started to find a couple of people along the same wave length as me, and started to have a little fun, and explore some of Pune's watering holes.
Now, I know I came here to study, and that still remains the goal. But when you've sat through one weeks worth of (strenuous) team bonding sessions, followed by one weeks worth of horrifically (like seriously makes you want to try and rip your head off, just to see if you can) dull disaster management sessions, a whole lot of alcohol is in order.
So while I still think of home, and miss some people terribly, my life at college is starting to fall into place one day at a time... Each day's a few more familiar faces, longer conversations in between classes, few more people at my table for dinner and regulars for drinking sessions and smoke breaks..:)
All in all, it's good to be back in college.
When I first got here I was shocked at how easily I slipped back into college and hostel life. It was almost like I'd never left. I unpacked in an hour, figured out where the water cooler was, stocked up on coffee, tea, sugar, milk powder, cup noodles etc, and slept like I'd been drugged on my first night here. I also discovered that hostel food is the same, the nation over, that dal will always be watery, and if you have enough pickle, the human body can consume almost anything.
I met a ton of people and of course had the usual initial trouble of not really knowing who to talk to and where I fit in, but knowing that as long as there is someone standing near me, and talking to me, I'm fine. But through all this, strangely I was not in the least bit homesick.
I think it hit me around day five or six. That's when you've been gone long enough for people to stop making the sympathy calls, and u're pretty much left to entertain yourself. Needless to say, I was at my whiney best for these few days.
Luckily, before I bored myself senseless with the incessant cribbing and whining about how it's so cold, and i'm so far away from everyone, and I'm on top of a hill, and there are bugs in my loo, and an earthworm fell on my head, and someone saw a snake and the classes are a cycle ride away, and i didn't know where to smoke... see how it goes? :) Well, as I was saying, before I went completely mad, I started to find a couple of people along the same wave length as me, and started to have a little fun, and explore some of Pune's watering holes.
Now, I know I came here to study, and that still remains the goal. But when you've sat through one weeks worth of (strenuous) team bonding sessions, followed by one weeks worth of horrifically (like seriously makes you want to try and rip your head off, just to see if you can) dull disaster management sessions, a whole lot of alcohol is in order.
So while I still think of home, and miss some people terribly, my life at college is starting to fall into place one day at a time... Each day's a few more familiar faces, longer conversations in between classes, few more people at my table for dinner and regulars for drinking sessions and smoke breaks..:)
All in all, it's good to be back in college.
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