In Search Of The Elusive Rupee

All my life, my one teeny, tiny little flaw has been the fact that I never ever have enough money. Whether it was from my pocket money to my salary, as my income grew, so did my expenses...and somehow my expenses always overshot my income. But being the resilient and resourceful... and spoilt person that I am, that never actually stood in the way of me having a damn good time.

I used to run to Daddy, and when I started getting too old to credibly get away with that, I would run to my boy friend.. when we broke up, I would run to my friend...
Now the boyfriend's gone, the friend has gone and my expenses are STILL the same!!
This is something that is truly miraculous about me... I am the kind of person who will live like the world is ending tomorrow for the first half of the month, start scrimping on how I live for the second half and somehow still think it is acceptable to go out and blow up my last 300 bucks on the last ten days with no idea how I will manage if by some unforeseen circumstances I need money.

Now I'm in Bombay and I have no money in the account, my phone connection has been cut, I haven't bought any Christmas presents, I have to pay off my flight tickets, my credit on a pair of shoes, and pay for my New Year plans.... and I'm pretty optimistic...:)...

You see, I'm a strange combination of independence and dependence.... I now consider myself too independent to take money from my parents (other than maybe an agreed amount etc), but dependent enough to take money from my friends... Anything can be justified if you try hard enough, and I justify this to myself and everyone else saying 'well, it's just on loan, I'm paying it back.. so what's the big deal??'.. But yes, it is a big deal... especially when it becomes a habit, when it becomes something you expect, and finally, something you can't live without. Then you have a problem. There are many kinds of addictions, and I think this is just another kind... If you can keep spending with wild abandon and make it someone else s problem to make sure you survive, then that's not just spoilt and wilfull, it's irresponsible, dangerous, damaging and eventually quite degrading.

So before I get sucked into this horrific spiral once more, I've made arrangements to work my way through my stay here in Mumbai AND do it my way, do it large... After all, thank the stars I'm not afraid to work.. I'm willing to trudge my way through the dirt, rain and slush of Mumbai by day, if you'll pay me enough to clean up nice and party it up by night..

And for the people who are going to point out that I am in fact, still living off my parents while I have no job and relying on them to fund my education, I feel I have to clarify here that my point is not to never take assistance from my parents again, but to find their assistance sufficient.. to live within the means available to me... or finally, make the arrangements to substantiate what is already available.

Maybe I'm destined to be one of those people that lives pay cheque to pay cheque, after all, I shudder to think what my life would be without the parties, the fun, the tequila and the dancing... but I would consider the ability to claim that I can now 'barely survive' on my own to be a step in the right direction..:)