To thine own self be true?

The other day, I was speaking with my father and he was telling me that now that I have been granted admission to Symbiosis I should perhaps consider the idea of giving up my blog. Although he admits to having never read my blog, he feels that the content might be a little too 'liberal' - what I think he actually meant was 'racy'.

I don't know what he thinks I'm writing about here, but I'm pretty sure he equates it to something like soft porn.. and the idea of his darling little girl, the apple of his eye, his pretty Polly fairy queen (he actually used to call us that), writing about things that I'm sure he would prefer he, and nobody else ever hears about, is just too much for him to handle :)

I have to sympathize with the poor guy though. He was stuck in a family of women, with two daughters who grew up to take completely after their mother, who shocked his poor malyalee, traditional, family oriented sensibilities; blazing their way through life completely comfortable with their own sexuality; and seemingly willing to do whatever they felt like, despite his best efforts rein them in!

Although I have to commend him a little bit on adapting. Despite stepping on my toes a little by suggesting I stop writing in this blog, it was still a step better than maybe demanding that I do so.

While I do still think it is completely unacceptable to go around telling people to stop writing in their blog because it hurts your sensibilities, I also know he's coming from a good place, where he thinks maybe I'm a little misguided, a little rebellious or even a little attention seeking and he thinks he's telling me what's best for me - despite the fact that I consider myself to be quite an intelligent, street smart albeit mathematically challenged human being.

I think the reason he insists on trying to get me to stop, is because he thinks I don't understand the potential perils of being so outspoken about what I believe, that one day I'll pay for it. But what he doesn't understand, or possibly can't fathom is that I, unlike him, don't give a damn.. If I had a penny for the number of times I've been told that 'man is not an island' and 'we live in a society' and 'family is everything' or 'blood is thicker than water' (which is also complete bull by the way), I would be a far richer person than I am today... these are all things that you are raised believing, but at some point your own brain kicks in and I say, no, man is not an island unto himself but I also don't have to mold myself into copy of everyone else, spouting the usual socially acceptable drivel that most people seem happy to indulge in. Come on! Doesn't anyone ever aspire to be something more?! And it's not like am running around using foul language, cursing and abusing everyone I pass. In my head, all this goes to show is how shaky and fragile this society that everyone places such importance in actually is. The fact that people are so threatened by free speech and free thought and heaven forbid, free action goes to show just how little people believe in their own foundation.

And this concept of blood being thicker than water that people love to throw about doesn't hold much weight for me either. The fact that people are so afraid of what their family and relatives will think, and how they'll 'talk', goes to show that blood then, is in fact not thicker than water. Family is supposed to love you unconditionally and support you, not terrorize you, and talk about you, and definitely not love you despite you being different but because you are. I stand firm to my belief that a family that will talk about you behind your back or shake their head woefully for you being who you are, and holds you at gunpoint to fit in, but still jumps up to bail you out of trouble because they think that's what families should do, is not really family after all. My family would be those individual people who have watched my back 365 days a year, fought with me, argued with me, and made me feel good about the person I am.. those people are the ones that I would turn to for help when I need it, and I hope they would expect the same from me.

So yes, despite the shock and outrage that my blog seems to inspire, or the discomfort and possible embarrassment to my family, I would say that there are some things in life that are truly yours.. and this is one of them. So the blog stays.