Here's to having faith

With my relationship having gone up in smoke, I've spent the last few weeks concentrating on class, friends and the like. It's been good, and I've been trying to teach myself to stop leaning towards finding someone new.

Since my break up with what could be the great love of my life two years ago, I've drfted from one short, meaningless relationship to the next trying to replicate the love and companionship that I had previously shared. I've been told that what I had with this man is the real thing, and that he is my 'eternal'. Sometimes I'm tempted to think the same. It seems like the kind of thing that would last forever. Unfortunately we just ran out of fizzle.

Seems like a rather frivolous reason to send the relationship down the toilet doesn't it? But both of us being immensely physical people, this situation just didn't seem feasible anymore. Don't get me wrong, we did think it over several times. Every few months to be precise. After all, how could two people who obviously love each other like crazy not date just because there's no spark?? That kind of thing can be worked on, right?.. Wrong. Trust me, we tried. And eventually we started to do too much damage to how we see each other even out of the bedroom. And it shouldn't have to be so hard. So finally, one say we said enough. That we will never try to make this work again.. And that's the story of how the love of my life became my best friend.

Unfortunately that brings me to where I am today. With a history of trying to fill the gap. It seems difficult for me to believe that I will find someone who I can connect with the way I did with my ex boyfriend, but I have to believe that there is someone like that out there and when I'm older and wiser I'll find him and we'll live happily ever after.. Otherwise, I'm screwed.

The Verdict

I have recently discovered that my prince was in fact a frog.

A need to understand what happened and why, led me to do a little investigating about the man I had served my heart up on a platter to. It turns out that I was nothing more than the latest victim in his line of conquests.. his con job, if you will.

I am sure there are going to be people who will think that this is the rant of a bitter woman, those who will stand by him and defend him.. But this is what I have heard, and from his actions, what I'm inclined to agree with.

I don't believe in confrontations and tantrums, I'm not interested in an apology (which I doubt he's interested in giving), I'm not even interested in explanations. I want nothing more to do with him, for if this is his caliber, he is no where close to the man I credited him with being.. and I judge him very harshly.

Shit.

Im not sure what to say about it.. I'm not sure I really understand..
Well actually my brain gets it, but somewhere along the way it all gets muddled up in my head and I don't know what to think.
Maybe it's silly to get upset about it, after all it was only three months, and it probably was more trouble than it was worth.. but still..
I know we were arguing a lot, and I wasn't surprised when he told me it was over, but I suppose somewhere I hoped that we wouldn't come to that.
But we did, and he seemed very sure that this is what he wanted, so I don't harbour any hope that things will work out for us, and i dont harbour any (real) ill will against him..
I don't know what I'm really upset about.. the fact that I pinned so many hopes on this, the fact that I had invested so much into it, or that I thought we were both in it for the long run, or the fact that it turns out he wasn't.
Either way, Im upset and annoyed, and I don't have anything to say.. more so because all my brain keeps coming up with is 'what just happened'....I get it.. and yet I don't.