Making over

Over the past year I have shared nearly every thought, emotion, upset and hurt I've been feeling on this blog, and while it's been extremely purging and satisfying , I find myself wondering whether this is the path I want to continue on.
This blog has always been about me, about my life, my men, my mistakes and my triumphs. But now I feel like there is a part of myself that has matured beyond wanting to air it all out. My readers have always been loyal, understanding, slow to judge and always, always with a sense of humour and I have felt comfortable exposing my silly mistakes, my sometimes very bad romantic decisions and my controversial points of view safe in the knowledge that at the end of the day there will be little harm done from them.
I am not going to end this blog, as I feel I always have something of relevance to say :) but I will be changing what I write about. I think it's time for a change, and while I evolve I want my blog to evolve with me.
So keeping with that, the first thing I'd like to change is the name of this blog. Most of you who know me and who have been keeping yourself updated on this blog now know the kind of person I am. So your suggestions would be more than welcome. Because to me, this blog is now not only about me, but about my readers as well... And also because I seem to lack any imagination whatsoever where it comes to naming this blog. So please go nuts.. and help me bring 'The Ramblings of a (no longer teenage) drama queen' into the adult era.. :)..

It's time to clean house

Something that has always bugged me about this country is the level of corruption that everyone seems to stoop to so very easily. The kind that really affects you in your life everyday. The auto driver who refuses to use the meter, and charges extra because he knows he can, the vegetable wallah that gives you rotten food or cheats on the weighing scale to make a few extra bucks, the maids or the drivers who steal from you when your back is turned...

Somehow we've learnt to live with all these forms of corruption, and even turned them into 'Indianisms' in our head to help pave the way.. But the one that really gets to me, that I just cannot seem to stomach is the state of our police force.

I find it unforgivable that the institution set into place to instill a sense of security and comfort in the minds of the people, actually serves to terrorize and loot from the very people they are meant to protect.

I've always known the disposition cops have towards making the easy buck, whether it's from someone speeding, cutting a red light or even drinking and driving. And I too have always rolled my eyes at the corrupt ways of our nation but been party to the begging and pleading for another chance, and finally the covert exchange of a few hundreds.. which today has become a few thousands! I guess inflation misses no quarters!

But the last weekend, I was in Mumbai and as is the norm, I got tossed out of Tavern in Colaba with my drink in hand, when the place shut. While I was finishing up my drink, we were standing on the front porch of the hotel, taking pictures and generally having a good time with no objection from the hotel staff. We suddenly had two cops pull up in front of us on bikes demanding to know from my two (male) friends how they can allow a girl stand on the street and drink! Heaven forbid! They were backed up by two more cops who showed up on bikes (to add to the show of police dominance, or to get their cut of the cash I assume). We were spared the pain of having to fork up the money since the hotel staff vouched for us, but I did have to suffer the indignity of being shuttled out of sight with my beer glass into a taxi, and then having it taken away from me to pacify the brutes.

The very next night, when I got back to Pune we went out for a few drinks for a friends birthday. We left the place at 11.30 pm, in two taxis to make our way back to hostel. Around twelve, the second taxi, transporting two male and one female companion was stopped at a check post. We discovered the taxi was in fact a private vehicle, and the driver didn't have the necessary papers. This was all it took for the cops to get into character. I've seen moral policing before, but this time they took it beyond anything I've ever heard of.. Unfortunately, I wasn't surprised. They demanded to know their details of course, and then refused to believe that the three (my friends) were students of Symbiosis since the college has not issued any identification to us (three months into the course). They went from dominating and aggressive to downright sleazy by asking the girl in question if one of the men was her 'lover'. Upon her indignant denial, they shrugged and said it looks that way. Why that would even be relevant to the situation is anyones guess. And to me, the situation still stands at not being anyone's problem but the taxi driver's, but there you have it. They focus on targeting their accusations to the people who will be able to hand over the money and not the people actually at fault.
My three friends were held on the street by the cops for over an hour, at twelve at night, with no money, while the cops hurled accusations at them. True to form, the cops demanded Rs 3000/- from them (on what grounds I'm not sure) else they were taking them all to jail! Despite the law clearly stating that cops cannot arrest a woman after sun down, unless a female cop is present. They badgered and terrorized these three 21 year old kids, who are barely out of grad school; who barely have any life experience or cash; who should ideally look to their local police to safeguard their rights and interests, with no concern for their well being.

Unfortunately, the reason why my friends could not argue with the cops if they wanted to, aside from the general fear of going to prison, was because they were in the wrong as well. They were 21 years old and under the influence of alcohol, while the legal drinking age in Maharashtra is 25.

As a nation, I believe we have an inherent predisposition towards breaking the rules. Even as citizens we are unable to follow traffic signals, wait our turn in queues, follow the speed limit, not drink before the accepted age limit, not drink and drive.. the list goes on.

But my quarrel with the cops is that yes, as citizens we have much to do to improve, but by god, so do they! They could have penalized the taxi driver for not having his papers in order, and my friends for drinking under the age limit. They could have taken the men to the cop station if needed and let the lady carry on, to be summoned after sun rise. They did not have to delve into matters of no concern to them. Who was anyone's lover in that car was no issue to anyone except the consenting adults involved.

I find it unfortunate that as a citizen of this country, I can honestly say that I would never trust a cop, that I would trust a civilian in my hour of need over a cop. I do acknowledge that there are decent, honest members of the police force out there, but they're so few and far between, I wouldn't risk placing my life in the hands of the wrong one.

The entire message survives in a vicious cycle of information. Our own media, our television and our movies, propagate characteristics - the threatening, aggressive cop; the violent bearer of justice; the stern upholder of morality.. all of which are sure enough, fulfilled in real life by our lumpy, dumpy wholly unimpressive police force.

I think its time, as a matter of personal choice, that people stop indulging themselves and the system. The reason this has gone on so long, is because we as citizens are no less at fault against the charge of indulging or abetting corruption than the cops are. I'm not suggesting we start a revolution to over throw the system here. I believe the system has been put in place for a reason, and it could work. But we as believers in a better way, have to stop taking the easy way out, so that when we stay strong and fight against corruption, we actually have a leg to stand on.

Here's to having faith

With my relationship having gone up in smoke, I've spent the last few weeks concentrating on class, friends and the like. It's been good, and I've been trying to teach myself to stop leaning towards finding someone new.

Since my break up with what could be the great love of my life two years ago, I've drfted from one short, meaningless relationship to the next trying to replicate the love and companionship that I had previously shared. I've been told that what I had with this man is the real thing, and that he is my 'eternal'. Sometimes I'm tempted to think the same. It seems like the kind of thing that would last forever. Unfortunately we just ran out of fizzle.

Seems like a rather frivolous reason to send the relationship down the toilet doesn't it? But both of us being immensely physical people, this situation just didn't seem feasible anymore. Don't get me wrong, we did think it over several times. Every few months to be precise. After all, how could two people who obviously love each other like crazy not date just because there's no spark?? That kind of thing can be worked on, right?.. Wrong. Trust me, we tried. And eventually we started to do too much damage to how we see each other even out of the bedroom. And it shouldn't have to be so hard. So finally, one say we said enough. That we will never try to make this work again.. And that's the story of how the love of my life became my best friend.

Unfortunately that brings me to where I am today. With a history of trying to fill the gap. It seems difficult for me to believe that I will find someone who I can connect with the way I did with my ex boyfriend, but I have to believe that there is someone like that out there and when I'm older and wiser I'll find him and we'll live happily ever after.. Otherwise, I'm screwed.

The Verdict

I have recently discovered that my prince was in fact a frog.

A need to understand what happened and why, led me to do a little investigating about the man I had served my heart up on a platter to. It turns out that I was nothing more than the latest victim in his line of conquests.. his con job, if you will.

I am sure there are going to be people who will think that this is the rant of a bitter woman, those who will stand by him and defend him.. But this is what I have heard, and from his actions, what I'm inclined to agree with.

I don't believe in confrontations and tantrums, I'm not interested in an apology (which I doubt he's interested in giving), I'm not even interested in explanations. I want nothing more to do with him, for if this is his caliber, he is no where close to the man I credited him with being.. and I judge him very harshly.

Shit.

Im not sure what to say about it.. I'm not sure I really understand..
Well actually my brain gets it, but somewhere along the way it all gets muddled up in my head and I don't know what to think.
Maybe it's silly to get upset about it, after all it was only three months, and it probably was more trouble than it was worth.. but still..
I know we were arguing a lot, and I wasn't surprised when he told me it was over, but I suppose somewhere I hoped that we wouldn't come to that.
But we did, and he seemed very sure that this is what he wanted, so I don't harbour any hope that things will work out for us, and i dont harbour any (real) ill will against him..
I don't know what I'm really upset about.. the fact that I pinned so many hopes on this, the fact that I had invested so much into it, or that I thought we were both in it for the long run, or the fact that it turns out he wasn't.
Either way, Im upset and annoyed, and I don't have anything to say.. more so because all my brain keeps coming up with is 'what just happened'....I get it.. and yet I don't.

The first of (hopefully) many

I thought I would share with you all the first of my baby steps towards becoming a journalist. It's not much, but it's a start. This is my first lead story featured in the Wire, SIMC's online news portal..... Yay!

Is there an end?

Leah George
PUNE
Anders Breveik, the Norwegian right wing extremist who carried out gruesome attacks to express his militant ideology against the Muslims, believes that they are ‘colonising’ Europe. In his manifesto, 2083 – A European Declaration of Independence which was issued under the pseudonym “Andrew Berwick” that he shared on the internet hours before the attack, he outlines his beliefs and rationale regarding the attacks. The manifesto brings to light his ultra nationalistic and xenophobic beliefs including anti Islamisation, cultural conservatism and Serbian paramilitarism. He calls for the extermination of Islam in Europe and the end of multi culturalism.
Breivik claims the root of Europe’s problems lie in their lack of cultural self confidence. He rails against the inability of the people to stand firm on their sense of nationalism for fear of sparking fascist elements.
While he claims not to hate Muslims, he also acknowledges that he will not tolerate Muslim presence in Europe and warns the European public that all Muslims who have not been completely assimilated into the European society by 2020 will be deported as soon as his group seizes power.
Expressing his solidarity with his “Serbian brothers” he expresses his regret and sympathy over the US and European bombing of Serbian forces to halt their bid to deport Albanian Muslims back to Albania.
Breveik speaks of his decision to oppose the infiltration of Muslims into Europe. In his manifesto he says, “Protesting is saying that you disagree. Resistance is saying you will put a stop to this. I decided I wanted to join the resistance movement.”
Breveik clearly states in his manifesto that he believes that no price is too great for the cause he believes in. he states that “it is better to kill too many than not enough, or you risk reducing the desired ideological impact.” He advises the world to get used to the idea that some innocents will die in their operations, simply due to being in the wrong place at the wrong time. That these are some of the casualties in the war he is waging.
Breveik makes it abundantly clear that he will not cease or desist in his fight against multi cultural forces invading Europe. He says that he will “make certain everyone understands we, the free peoples of Europe, are going to strike again and again.” That there will be no end.
In his manifesto, he commends Japan for not allowing Muslims to immigrate, although the country does not have any specific ban on any ethnic or religious group.
It is obvious that Breveik has an extremist’s point of view, and thankfully he has now been apprehended. But there are bound to be more Breveiks out there and the more worrisome question is, how many?

A lot of nothing...

The problem with a course like what I'm doing, that involves so much writing ALL the time, is that the idea of coming back to your room, to write about what you've been writing about all day is a little depressing..
I love this blog, but of late, I've found myself wondering what on earth I'm going to write about!
I mean, class progresses as usual, I'm meeting the same people everyday, the assignments are piling up, and though it's a subject close to my heart, there's only so much I can talk about food!
Beyond the obvious writer's block I'm facing, I'm also just so tired! You don't understand it! I work from 8.30 to 8.30.... six days a week.. and I walk so much... and horrifyingly, I'm getting used to it! But by the end of the day, all I have left in me is some mindless facebook time and a few telephone conversations.. and god forbid anyone asks me to sound intelligent.
But now that I'm writing this, I suppose I should carry on to what's happening in my life.
I'm sitting here, bathed (having managed to catch the hot water by some twist of fate), in my pajamas, waiting in earnest for what's bound to be an awful dinner. My day has been good.
Life is looking up with my trip home almost within touching distance. Anyone acqainted with me for over a year has been witness to the greedy, birthday crazy beast I become one month before the fact.. alas, this year, other than short bursts of manic joy, the beast lies in exhausted slumber... at least till some more time has passed. But I've spent a lot of time wondering what I want.. and I want food.. Good food.. and a massage.. a long one, not those shady three minute ones that just let you know what you're missing.. I want hot water available 24 hrs a day... I want to wear a dress that shows off my legs..so I remember what they look like.... I want to have tea brewed on the stove.......
The list may seem long, but my wants are simple..... so please.. please, someone give me a massage...!

This truly is all in a days work!

Life in college has started accelerating to a point that I cannot believe that just a little over three weeks ago I was cribbing about how I was wasting time, and how I couldn't believe I had wasted nine lakhs to sit around all day playing games.
Now my days are defined by 8.30 to 8.30 classes, six days a week, and frantic movement from lectures to cells and clubs.. and then of course the dreaded assignments.. I cannot begin to explain to you the delirious pleasure a Sunday morning now gives me.
When I first got here, and I was primed for the fantastic party life I'd heard so much about, I would race off into the city a few times a week for some good old urban living. Now however, it's a miracle if I manage to make it to the foot of the hill once a week to grab a few beers... (although I must confess, on the days I do manage, I more than make up for my absence)..:)
But I have to admit, I really enjoy it. For the first time in my life, I'm actually starting to feel like I'm studying about things that I've always wanted to know.. things that are relevant. Alright, so we'll ignore the fact that I'm not the most well read person on a number of things in class.. but I do make up for it with my zeal, enthusiasm.. and quick research..
In the few weeks I've been here, I've discussed the Iraq war, the Kashmir conflict, farmer suicides, Salwa Judum, Picasso, Turner, Bernini, Indian theatre, the Babri Masjid demolition, watched the Matrix, Motorcycle Diaries and Peepli Live (which had to be translated to me line by line).. and its been interesting, stimulating, passionate and sometimes a little daunting.
I dash out of a day of thinking out of the box; questioning what I believe; stepping aside for someone else's view and patting myself on the back for a point well made, to running madly to my Online Branding meets where we endeavour to put SIMC's 'best foot forward'..(I love that phrase.. what does it even mean?!)...From here, your valiant soldier forges on to the cell meet for SIMC Wire (the online news portal) to struggle through my understanding and reinterpretation of the business world...(oh no!).. and just when you think it's over, you discover the mess is serving sludge and you have two hours of reading material ahead of you.
Obviously, when I finally hit the bed, it's with the desperation of a dying woman and there are some mornings I would rather cut my arm off than get out of bed.. but it's worth it because for the first time in my life I can actually feel myself getting educated. And it fills that space in my head that's always felt a little empty.. :)

My slice of happiness

The last few weeks were havoc on my personal life to say the least, so as the time drew near for my boyfriend to show up, I was caught between trepidation as to how it would turn out, and off-the-charts excitement at finally seeing him again. Of course it didn't help when he sweetly informed me that he's not the kind of guy to get excited about these things. Talk about deflating! :)
When he did show up (late), I had already made up my mind that nothing would spoil our little interlude, and there would be no more fighting. Of course, about three hours later, I opened my mouth, and it all came tumbling out. In a nutshell I sort of accused him of forgetting about me when he's in Bangalore, only to be calmly told..'But baby, that's me'.... to which I sputtered something about how it doesn't have to be that way... Faced with his absolute incomprehension of this concept, I could do nothing but subside... for about five minutes.
Anyway, long story short, we did talk, he did listen and we did work things out.
I think most of what we were arguing about, while it did mean something to me, was also brought on by the distance. But the part that really stuck with me was when he told me that what he had always liked about me is my independence, and my ability to have my own life in exclusion to him.. which is now apparently fading. Needless to say, I was quite, quite outraged, but in the greater interest of carrying on the conversation, I didn't kick him, as I would have very much liked to have done. That statement stayed with me for quite a while later, after all, I couldn't understand why wanting some sort of regular contact with your far away boyfriend could classify you as clingy. I was out all day with my friends, in classes. I was not hiding in my room, crying into a pillow..But then I came to the conclusion he just might have a point.
Although I don't think I have to call him any less, or text him any less, or expect any less from him, I had come to set too much store by his responses, his attention and his time. It was not a dependency, it was a habit. And, of course, a habit I intend to kick.
The entire time he was here was absolutely blissful.. We lazed in bed watching movies, making out, eating and generally feeling (what my fluff books would call) decadent..It was perfection. Of course I howled incessantly into my pillow when he left, but that's practically a pre-requisite.. :) And eventually, I stopped howling, got out of bed, got into a cab and got back to classes and reality. Which, it turns out, is not so bad either :)

It's all a matter of perspective..

There are times I feel ridiculously young, and there are times I forget that I'm not yet twenty four. This is one of those times. You would think the fact that I'm back in college would make me feel like a kid again, but all it does is make you feel older than all the other twenty one year olds there. To cap this off, my personal life has taken a drastically serious twist. Admittedly probably because of me, and my need to discuss everything, sort everything out and categorize then sub-categorize every mood, expression and feeling.
Needless to say, I've worn myself out. I have analyzed and then over analyzed every aspect of my relationship this past week to such an extent that I have reached the point of nearly being ex-communicated by my friends.. and then I analyzed some more.
I've driven myself so crazy this past week, that the idea of just switching off mentally and retiring into my own pleasant little world with retro music playing in the background and maybe a semi nude Virat Kohli (yea he's my latest obsession) wandering about, is a very appealing prospect.
Unfortunately for me, I also find it extremely difficult to switch off emotionally. I like to have my daily hit of love and affection, and as important, share the same..
But of late, I think I've been overloading my system with great floods of emotion. The problem with being in a new place, with new people, is that you tend to cling to the familiar. Or in my case, focus too much on the familiar.. When you care a great deal about something, you worry about losing it and as a result you risk smothering it. You forget that sometimes maybe a little bit of distance and forgive the word, indifference can be a good thing.. That it's healthy.. and once you realise that, it's also a relief. It's a relief to stop focusing so strongly on something else and focus on yourself instead. I'm a person who's had a very involved relationship with herself for years, and as much as I love my boyfriend, and the relationship I'm in..I'll always love myself more. And I believe that can only be a good thing..:)

Back to the grind

It's been exactly two weeks since I moved base to Symbiosis, and now that I finally have a laptop (yay) I can continue to keep this blog going.
When I first got here I was shocked at how easily I slipped back into college and hostel life. It was almost like I'd never left. I unpacked in an hour, figured out where the water cooler was, stocked up on coffee, tea, sugar, milk powder, cup noodles etc, and slept like I'd been drugged on my first night here. I also discovered that hostel food is the same, the nation over, that dal will always be watery, and if you have enough pickle, the human body can consume almost anything.
I met a ton of people and of course had the usual initial trouble of not really knowing who to talk to and where I fit in, but knowing that as long as there is someone standing near me, and talking to me, I'm fine. But through all this, strangely I was not in the least bit homesick.
I think it hit me around day five or six. That's when you've been gone long enough for people to stop making the sympathy calls, and u're pretty much left to entertain yourself. Needless to say, I was at my whiney best for these few days.
Luckily, before I bored myself senseless with the incessant cribbing and whining about how it's so cold, and i'm so far away from everyone, and I'm on top of a hill, and there are bugs in my loo, and an earthworm fell on my head, and someone saw a snake and the classes are a cycle ride away, and i didn't know where to smoke... see how it goes? :) Well, as I was saying, before I went completely mad, I started to find a couple of people along the same wave length as me, and started to have a little fun, and explore some of Pune's watering holes.
Now, I know I came here to study, and that still remains the goal. But when you've sat through one weeks worth of (strenuous) team bonding sessions, followed by one weeks worth of horrifically (like seriously makes you want to try and rip your head off, just to see if you can) dull disaster management sessions, a whole lot of alcohol is in order.
So while I still think of home, and miss some people terribly, my life at college is starting to fall into place one day at a time... Each day's a few more familiar faces, longer conversations in between classes, few more people at my table for dinner and regulars for drinking sessions and smoke breaks..:)
All in all, it's good to be back in college.

Fighting for my Cheese...

After the long, drawn out wait to leave for college, the day is finally upon me.. and I'm not ready to leave. Not yet.
While I am excited about studying, and moving out of Bangalore, and meeting new people, there's also a side of me saying, 'But I haven't had enough time'.. In my last post, when I so flippantly made the statement about how we hardly have any time with each other, I didn't realize how strongly I would come to mean it. And I find myself wishing for maybe just a little more. Even if its just a day.
On the flip side, I am trying to stay positive about the whole thing. After all, people do this every day! Now I know I've never done a long distance relationship, and I'm not disregarding how difficult it's going to be at times, but the fact is, if the concept exists, it can be done.
There is a side of me that hopes that when the going gets tough, he's not going to be the one to bail. Being the person with the knowledge of what lies ahead could be as bad as being the person who goes in blind, if not worse. At least all I'm going into this armed with is my optimism, he has the weight of his experience.
But if you were to ask me why I would want to put myself through this, I look at it this way. All my life I staunchly stuck to my stand that I do not believe in a long distance relationship. I wasn't even willing to do it for a relationship I had dedicated four years of my life to. Then along came this man who I could tell was different, and special.. and the more I've got to know him, I find that he's so much more.. So how could I not want to follow this through? And I also like to think that maybe, just maybe, I've grown up enough in the last few years to be able to give it a fighting chance.
So to that end, let the good times..... and the bad times, roll.

There's a new man in town

I've found myself shying away from the prospect of writing another entry in this blog, because then I would be forced to introduce to you the man I now call my boyfriend, which I wasn't prepared to do.. until now.

Following what could only be called a whirlwind romance in Bangalore, where everything just fell into place like pieces of a jig-saw puzzle (to the point that it was a little scary), we reached the other extreme in Goa where the glass shattered and we were exposed to a side of each other than we had possibly never fathomed.

While this might have made many a person throw in their cards, it made no difference to me. Not that I disregarded everything that I learnt about this man in Goa, but just that I refrained from judgement. We had our talks about what I believed was acceptable behavior to me and what was not, and he had his own issues to raise with me. We're trying to find a compromise :)

This man, this rather complex and contrary man, with his moods, and his hang ups (that i sometimes don't agree with), who is tremendously vocal, and yet dies at the slightest hint of PDA (im working on that), who makes me feel special, makes me laugh, takes my case, doesn't play cards (wtf??!) and thinks my endless chatter and cuddle noises are entertaining.. This man, is a man I would very proudly call my boy friend.. if the cards permit.

Because as is befitting its very twisted sense of humor, the universe has thrown us together with barely any time before I leave the city for college. Now we don't know what we're going to do, and we haven't made any decisions, and I don't even know if we know what we want to happen..... so I have to fall back on my tried and tested phrase of 'Have faith'.

Preparing to launch

"You know what’s weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon, everything’s different"... I found this on a friends Facebook wall, and I was intrigued by the statement.

I have done nothing but spend the last few months in Bangalore cribbing about how nothing changes, and each day just drifts into the next. And now suddenly, here I am on the precipice of change, and I find it daunting to say the least.

Looking back on the last few weeks, I wasn't terribly excited about the idea of going to Symbiosis.. In fact, I was quite ambivalent about the whole thing. I had hardly given it more than a second thought. And yet, suddenly, here I am, on the last week of my job and suddenly everything is going to start moving so fast!

I have six days to quit, barely a few days to get reoriented, then I shoot off to Goa, followed by Cochin, and I come back to Bangalore with barely enough time to pack, say my goodbyes and leave for Pune. Aaah!

Now I know this is a good thing because I am ready to leave Bangalore and I think it's been adequately established that Bangalore is definitely not the place for me, but still..... i HATE change!.. it's so ugh!....

Alright, so this is not going to be my most eloquent post... But you'll forgive me I'm sure, as I'm indulging in a moment of personal trauma.

I find myself watching my suitcase above the cupboard like it's a time bomb and the day I pull it down and dust it off, is the day the clock starts ticking... Not a pleasant feeling I assure you. However, soon the moment passes and my apprehension is replaced by an almost manic sense of buoyancy at the prospect of moving on to the next stage of my life.. Really, throw some hot flashes in with these mood swings, and I think I'll be ready for early menopause!

But reading back on this post, and all things considered... and my usual mental stability taken into account, I think I'm in a good place.. don't you think? :)

This game of love :)

I have come to the not so startling revelation that I don't like not getting what I want.

Now this is usually a problem for me only when it comes to men. Everything else has only a certain number of conditions that are usually met through hard work and persistence.

However, unfortunately, hard work and persistence don't seem to really produce the desired results where men are concerned, due to annoying factors like stubbornness, a conscience, and worst of all, a mind of their own.

This whole thing that men only think with their umm, staff, is all bull.. there are quite a few of them who don't. Whatever happened to just satisfying good old curiosity anyway?? :)

Before I come off sounding completely sex starved, I must clarify.. Its not that I've been living a nun like existence and I'm ready to start climbing the walls (though Im sure there are a few people who wished that was in fact the case, like my father), but if I were to be completely and brutally honest with myself, it all boils down to ego.

My ego is so huge, that I cannot fathom not getting a guy I want, and it drives me to distraction that no amount of flirting, plain speech, batting my eye lashes and short skirts do the trick. For me, flirting and flings are a game (relationships I take much more seriously), and I always win.. that's just the way it's been..:)

And while I can concede defeat where necessary, I have no intention of changing a thing..I guess I do have a competitive side after all.

So this is what Hell's like....

When my boss came up to me on Wednesday evening to tell me he'd be working from home the next day, I didn't think much about it. Little did I know what was in store for me.

Being pretty obsessive about my work, I usually know what has to be done, by when.. so I had it all planned out in my head. My six PPTs were supposed to be ready to be shipped out by 1.00 PM, and I had the rest of the day to do whatever came my way. No biggie.

Everyone in life has a nemesis, and it turns out that mine is Microsoft Power Point. Aside from having a rather irrational fear of power point, my system at work decided to throw another spanner in the works by crashing every time I opened more than one presentation. But me being me, kept it cool, and just asked for a little more time to send them across.. By 4.30, when none of the presentations had been sent and the calls were beginning to come in, I was starting to feel the heat a little. And there's something a little more scary about international calls coming in to fire you rather than national.. it's almost like they're going to try and get their moneys worth. Would this be an appropriate time to mention that the air conditioner at work had given up the ghost as well?

Anyway, I finally managed to send them out only to have them fly straight back into my inbox with raging messages from the client about inconsistencies in color schemes (all due to a very bad brief), calculation errors (ok, my bad).. and then eventually something about a consolidated PPT deck created across all the others...(blink)...... By this time I was beginning to hyperventilate. Being cold and heartless as clients are meant to be, they just steam rolled through my panic and misty eyes, and continued to call every three minutes till I finally snapped and called my boss and dumped all over him.

Eventually, we never really got all the work done, it was 11.00 at night, and I was the last one at work, with no cab, and I needed to get home. So we prioritized, and got through as much as we could, and resigned ourselves to a filthy email in the morning.

Oh, to add to this, I am also pms-ing, and been off the nicotine for 48 hours.

Finally I lock up and leave, and of course cant find a ric, so I start trekking to the main road, and wouldn't you know it, I walk right into cow dung.. not just stamp in it but walk through a huge pile of it.. enough of it to actually slow me down (that's how I noticed it). By this time I was starting to lose my will to fight, so other than muttering a few curses, I just carried on.

When I reached home, you'd think that's the end of a god awful day, but wait, I have to keep working! As I struggle to finish my days work, I somehow drop my phone, annoy my mother and to cap it off, my computer stalls! Finally, finally I finish up, and all that's left is to send the damn file out.. surprise surprise, the website is down. So an hour later, at 2.45 to be precise, the possibly worst day of my life thankfully draws to a close..

I usually end all my posts on a relatively optimistic and uplifting note, but I can't think of anything salvageable about this day. So my advice to you is, if you find your day turning down this path, call in sick for the rest of the day, run home, crawl under your blanket and go to sleep.

A woman reunited with herself...

This morning I woke up and realized that I cannot remember the last time I actually took the time to relax and just be....

I suppose it all started with general boredom, but somehow as life progresses with this frantic need for constant entertainment, you tend to lose focus on yourself amidst the whirl of friends, going out, parties, game nights, gossip and sometimes arguments and drama..

Now for those of you who are wondering what's happened now, nothing really triggered this off.. It's just that I believe that even your soul has a voice, and if you go long enough without paying attention to yourself, you start feeling it crying out for attention and time..

I've found that from the moment I wake up in the morning to the moment I'm falling asleep at night, my every thought is centered around someone else and I'm not talking about this in an altruistic way. I mean that while my thoughts may be connected to me, they are also so intertwined with what someone else may have said, thought, suggested, what they may think of me, why they haven't done something, why they did something, whether they're annoyed at me, whether i'm reading too much into a look or a face or a situation, whether we're getting on each others nerves..And these are normal, everyday human thoughts that just flit through your mind, and become a part of your conversation and a part of your life before you realize the toll they're taking on you. I think the reason that we don't feel the weight of our thoughts is because they're spread out over the many people that you care about and come in contact with in an average day.

Well today, I woke up, made myself a cup of tea, stood in a small patch of sunlight on my balcony and took a deep breath and just enjoyed the moment of absolute silence.. and it's as simple as that.. It's not that I forgot who I was or lost myself.. I just forgot to pay attention to myself.. beyond the obvious taking care of my food, water, clothing and shelter.. I forgot to give my self some peace and quiet, I wrote off spending time alone as boring, I stopped pampering myself with long showers and music in the back ground, and walks in the sun, and shopping for good, decent books to read. I forgot that friends and family while I love them, do need time apart from each other to keep things good, and most importantly, whether you like it or not.. I forgot that familiarity will breed contempt.

At the brink of oblivion

I find myself toying with the idea of maybe letting this blog go. Or more realistically speaking, I'm thinking of paying less attention to it. The reason I'm doing this is because I am finding it increasingly dissatisfying to write in this space and receive no feedback, interaction or even general interest from my readers. To be honest, I'm not even sure if I have readers!

When I started this blog, I had no idea that it would take off and generate the kind of interest from my friends, and even friends of friends, that it did. It was intended to be primarily for me, as an outlet for my thoughts and emotions, and a tool with which to hone my writing skills. Then as each post I added was received with more followers and support, the blog also became about my readers, and my ability to engage with them through my words. And now I suppose the Leo in me is simply not happy with this sudden lack of interest.

It could be perceived that I'm throwing a tantrum (which I most certainly am), but I also must point out that I feel a loyalty and responsibility to my 20 followers to keep this blog updated, and interesting, and witty and entertaining (achieving the last two is no easy feat)... and all a girl wants is some vocal support for cryin' out loud!!

So come on people, if you want this blog to continue, comment, engage, spread the word, follow.. MAKE ME HAPPY!!

Bangalore Autos... Of the people..... But FOR the people??

This post is about a subject very close to my heart... The Indian public transport system... Or rather, its lack of a system.
I considered myself a person who can be a little short tempered, and sometimes even bitchy and nasty, but never someone who actively harbored any hatred towards someone else.... till I came to Bangalore. I actually am starting to actively HATE Bangalore auto drivers. Every last one of them.
I honestly want to know why they have a meter if they don't bother to use it? Or if they do bother to use it, on what grounds are we expected to pay them 10 bucks extra? And why do they think it is justified to ask someone to pay 50 bucks to travel less than two kilometres.. even better, how do they have the audacity to suggest such a thing.. with a straight face!! The ones I can never get over are when they ask you to pay them double the meter reading, when at the most the law says you should pay them 1 and a 1/2, or when I have to shell out a 120 bucks to travel a distance I can walk in under ten minutes, just because it's 11.30 PM.
And because I can't come up with any plausible explanation for this behavior other than the obvious 'they're just crooks', I frequently pose this question to the drivers in question. Their responses range from the ludicrous (It's night, so we can charge extra... ???!!!?) to the illogical (we won't get a return passenger... this is my problem because..?), to the generally annoying (the sheepish smile and vague shrug..... oh my god! say something!!), to the aggressive (because I said so, and I know you won't get another ric for a while) and the downright egotistical (It's my due...it's really really not..)
And what really annoys me about Bangalore auto drivers is that they're inconsistent crooks. Once you have finished haggling with them, they start the whole process again on reaching your destination demanding additional compensation for a three minute traffic jam you encountered twenty minutes ago. You just can't trust the guys!
And really? We have to pay them extra because they hit traffic?? Geez, what are the chances of that happening?!
But in all honesty, our ric drivers have the most warped view on how to do their job... they think they're doing us a favor by giving us a lift, but they're being paid for it... They can't even follow through on their thought process of doing us a favor because they'll refuse to take us where we want to go... They think we have to pay for any hardship in their job - from a petrol hike to a road block.. Can you imagine if we went to work everyday and tried to sell this kind of attitude?
The strange thing is that I'm not alone in my daily misery, there's a whole city full of people sharing my plight.. and my fury, and yet somehow no one seems to be able to do anything about it. From staging city wide coups of boycotting auto rickshaws, to generally raging and screaming individually everyday, we still seem to be losing this battle.
The problem is, you can only win an argument when the other party concedes that you won. When you're faced with this stony, implacable, 'deal with it' glare, your only choice it appears, is to subside and seethe within.

To thine own self be true?

The other day, I was speaking with my father and he was telling me that now that I have been granted admission to Symbiosis I should perhaps consider the idea of giving up my blog. Although he admits to having never read my blog, he feels that the content might be a little too 'liberal' - what I think he actually meant was 'racy'.

I don't know what he thinks I'm writing about here, but I'm pretty sure he equates it to something like soft porn.. and the idea of his darling little girl, the apple of his eye, his pretty Polly fairy queen (he actually used to call us that), writing about things that I'm sure he would prefer he, and nobody else ever hears about, is just too much for him to handle :)

I have to sympathize with the poor guy though. He was stuck in a family of women, with two daughters who grew up to take completely after their mother, who shocked his poor malyalee, traditional, family oriented sensibilities; blazing their way through life completely comfortable with their own sexuality; and seemingly willing to do whatever they felt like, despite his best efforts rein them in!

Although I have to commend him a little bit on adapting. Despite stepping on my toes a little by suggesting I stop writing in this blog, it was still a step better than maybe demanding that I do so.

While I do still think it is completely unacceptable to go around telling people to stop writing in their blog because it hurts your sensibilities, I also know he's coming from a good place, where he thinks maybe I'm a little misguided, a little rebellious or even a little attention seeking and he thinks he's telling me what's best for me - despite the fact that I consider myself to be quite an intelligent, street smart albeit mathematically challenged human being.

I think the reason he insists on trying to get me to stop, is because he thinks I don't understand the potential perils of being so outspoken about what I believe, that one day I'll pay for it. But what he doesn't understand, or possibly can't fathom is that I, unlike him, don't give a damn.. If I had a penny for the number of times I've been told that 'man is not an island' and 'we live in a society' and 'family is everything' or 'blood is thicker than water' (which is also complete bull by the way), I would be a far richer person than I am today... these are all things that you are raised believing, but at some point your own brain kicks in and I say, no, man is not an island unto himself but I also don't have to mold myself into copy of everyone else, spouting the usual socially acceptable drivel that most people seem happy to indulge in. Come on! Doesn't anyone ever aspire to be something more?! And it's not like am running around using foul language, cursing and abusing everyone I pass. In my head, all this goes to show is how shaky and fragile this society that everyone places such importance in actually is. The fact that people are so threatened by free speech and free thought and heaven forbid, free action goes to show just how little people believe in their own foundation.

And this concept of blood being thicker than water that people love to throw about doesn't hold much weight for me either. The fact that people are so afraid of what their family and relatives will think, and how they'll 'talk', goes to show that blood then, is in fact not thicker than water. Family is supposed to love you unconditionally and support you, not terrorize you, and talk about you, and definitely not love you despite you being different but because you are. I stand firm to my belief that a family that will talk about you behind your back or shake their head woefully for you being who you are, and holds you at gunpoint to fit in, but still jumps up to bail you out of trouble because they think that's what families should do, is not really family after all. My family would be those individual people who have watched my back 365 days a year, fought with me, argued with me, and made me feel good about the person I am.. those people are the ones that I would turn to for help when I need it, and I hope they would expect the same from me.

So yes, despite the shock and outrage that my blog seems to inspire, or the discomfort and possible embarrassment to my family, I would say that there are some things in life that are truly yours.. and this is one of them. So the blog stays.

The End

After a short but very sweet not-so-summer fling, me and my mystery man decided to call it quits last night. For once, it was a very civilized break up, which I suppose just made it a more poignant moment than otherwise.

After having tried to do it everybody else's way but mine, I finally decided to pay attention to my own heart. So we had a talk, a long one.. filled with those loaded silences that these talks are usually accompanied with. What it boiled down to was that neither one of us was willing to budge. He wasn't willing to open himself up to me - period, and I wasn't willing to settle for less.

Unfortunately for me, I have too much to give someone, to be with someone who can't return the feeling. I think this could be the universe's twisted sense of humor, to send me a guy that is fun, interesting and good looking, everything a girl like me could want, and make him completely emotionally disconnected from me.

So here I am, sitting in office, indulging in a lot of wistful sighing, wearing my blinding Green kurta to help brighten up my day.. But I am proud of myself for knowing myself enough, for standing up for what I want, and for not believing I should settle for less, ever.. even if it's only for a few months.

It was to be honest, no matter how short lived, one of the nicest times I've had.. and I'm going to miss the chatting and laughing, lounging on the sofa watching Burn Notice, cracking up over the Simpsons, dissing the Indian commercials, learning about football, and texting all day long... and after a little more sighing and moping I'm going to file it away in my mind as a lovely memory.. and I suppose in the end, c'est la vie, right?

A little bit of this and that...

I decided I needed to take a break from my blog for a while again, not because I'm losing interest in sharing about my life, but because I realized that there are somethings that I don't feel like sharing. It appears that while I have no problem talking to the world in general about my sex life, and even the more personal, intimate aspects of my (usually nonexistent) love life, I completely balk at the prospect of admitting to something I find humiliating.

For those of you who haven't really been keeping up with my life (you bastards), I've been granted admission to Symbiosis University in Pune for their Media and Communications course..(you may applaud if you wish). Of course, nothing in life comes easy right? So after having struggled with the entrance test, group exercise and the personal interview, when I thought it would all be smooth sailing from there, they floored me with the obscene cost factor.

But that aside, the reason I've been pretty much under the radar the last few weeks is because I feel an obligation to my readers to write about everything that's happening in my life.. and that includes an accounting of the night I got disgustingly drunk at my own celebration over symbiosis and proceeded to unleash my theatrical side complete with tears and upset on a captive audience... it was not well received..:)

So ever since then I've been putting off the idea of writing anything here, because truth be told, that's a night I would much rather forget

To be honest though, even beyond being embarrassed about that night, I've been chickening out of writing anything further because I've realized there are some things I want to keep private. Particularly, whatever this is with the current gentleman in my life. It appears that this is one time where there really are too many cooks spoiling the broth.. and more important than that, they're making me lose my mind!

I think the fact of the matter is that I find myself completely spiraling off course the more I talk about it.. every one has an opinion, every one has their two cents, all of which differ from what I have to say! Is it any wonder I was so confused?! But now I've decided that I'm not an idiot, and I know what I want and what's best for me, so enough with the talking! Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the girl talk and the gossiping and the sharing, but it just turns out that this is not one of those times. Not surprisingly though, some of the best advice I received was from guys.. In a nutshell it all pretty much boiled down to 'relax'.. which I did. After having cut out all the talking and obsessing, I'm finally left with only my voice in my head once more.. oh peace, blissful peace..:)

So that's where it's at, and that's where I'm at.. and that in all honesty is why I have been callously ignoring you and my blog the last few weeks.. But in my defense I have been waiting for something stupendously interesting to talk to you all about... which reading back on this post has obviously not happened yet... so well, my apologies..:)

Tik Tok!

With a little distance and space in Pune, I think I may have gotten a little too wrapped up in the situation and blown it straight out of proportion.
I was told, when I was speaking about this to a friend, that I have a tendency of moving much faster than the guy, and I don't allow for any breathing space and for the relationship to take its own natural course (well, he didn't say the last part, but that's just a natural result of the situation). It's not just that I can be a little OCD about these things, the problem also is that I feel like im working against a clock here. If Symbiosis does work out, I will take it in a heartbeat, which means that a few months later this is all just a distant dream.
But now, being in Pune, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not serving any purpose by trying to force the situation into something it's not and something it may never become. I've lost focus on how I feel admist all the agonising over how he feels and what he's doing. I made it work and not fun. I made it exhausting - most importantly, for me :) 
Finally, after all this obsessing, I'm more than happy to go back to square one and just be myself, and just admit to myself that this is not a relationship, it's way too early to classify it as such, and if in 3 mths time if it's still not there, then it's not time wasted. I think the problem with women is that we think that if we can't classify it as a relationship, or a fling or something, then we have nothing to show for that time together. 
And I also think sometimes talking and sharing with your friends is over rated. The problem with talking about this guy with your girl friends is that before you know it words like 'dating' and 'relationship' are floating around with abandon, and before you know it, you're using it too!! And when you start using words like that you know where you're headed. Those words come followed by expectations, 'talks', endearments and other declarations that are pretty much better left to develop on their own.
So why did I flip my lid and jump the gun? Well, I think mostly because I know I can like this guy very much, and if you think about it three months isn't so long. So I think the minute you realise that you could care about this person, it's difficult to ignore the fact that it could also be very short lived. But what changed now for me was that I was starting to lose my center.. For me, it became more about him and less about me. Why doesn't he call me, why does he take so long to reply to my sms, why why why... because it seemed like something that someone who cares about you is supposed to do!..But it never occured to me to question whether I would actually like him to do these things. Yes, I do like phone calls and text messsages and dinners and sleep overs, but not under duress! Somewhere along the way, I started trying to mold this man into what I think a relationship man should be. But again, we're not in a relationship! :)
It's not that I'm thick in the head, it's just that I tend to get caught up in the excitement of it all and forget to relax and just enjoy it.... But one thing's for certain.. No more girl talks for me. They're just no good for me!

He's just not that into you!!

I have decided that there's only so far a girl can go making excuses for a relationship not going well. And I refuse to believe that meeting a guy for lunch or dinner once a week and maybe staying the night, interspersed with zero phone calls but frequent texting constitutes a relationship going well! I have more contact with my friends, and I'm not sleeping with any of them!!

When we had 'the talk' about what this could possibly be, I was buoyed by the fact that he said he wasn't looking at this to be a fling. Now on further reflection, I'm inclined to believe that all that implied was that he won't be sleeping with anyone else. Accompanied with this statement came none of the things that you would normally see in a relationship - primarily, a desire to see more of each other!

And I absolutely refuse to put this down to cultural differences either. No matter which part of the globe you come from, if you like someone, you're going to want to spend as much time as you can with them, you're going to want to meet for a quick cup of coffee, go catch a movie, pick up the phone and call just to hear her voice and say hi, make plans to go out together, meet each others friends.. something!!.. and definitely not make your own separate plans, with your own friends to go to the same place!

And there's also only so much that I can put down to being reserved or even fiercely independent. Even those things tend to lessen in intensity if it's for someone you feel something for.

And finally, it does take a lot out of you too, for as much as I don't know him, because truth be told he just doesn't let me in.. he doesn't know me either, because he won't let me show him. It's very difficult to be yourself with a person when they won't show you who they are. He once described me as intelligent, interesting and beautiful. I am all of those things..:) and I was flattered that he thought so, but I'm also so much more. I'm quirky and affectionate, and clumsy and sometimes silly, I walk into things and like to go out and go nuts, I'm a slob in the morning, and usually clean compulsively at night. There's so much more to me than he sees, partly because I don't know how it will be received, and partly because we just don't spend enough time with each other for him to discover it on his own.

All things considered, I wonder if I should swallow that bitter pill that's liberated women the world over... Alright ladies, say it for me then... "He's just not that into you...!! "

Two Worlds Apart

Sometimes I think that an arranged marriage is the way to go. I've always thought it to be clinical and impersonal, but sometimes it's just so much easier on the heart. You find the guy you think suits you best, you talk it over and you both make a decision. There's no second guessing each other, no wondering how he feels, no wondering if you had him figured out all wrong.. and no getting hurt.
Everything about the dating game is just so complicated, and despite knowing the rules, I seem determined to sabotage myself by refusing to play. I know everyone says that for a relationship to work out you have to hold off having sex, because then it will make the guy want you more, it will make him like you more..but that makes no sense to me. If I like some one, then sex for me, is just a natural way of expressing that feeling. But maybe, just maybe it's true. Because once you take that final step, and just do it (forgive the phrasing), you can actually see the interest drop in you soon after.
In my last post, I introduced to you all the latest man in my life, whom I was later told that I sounded 'smitten' by :)... Well, that probably was the case. But what I neglected to mention at that time, was this man is not Indian.. mostly because I decided that that should have no relevance. However, I'm starting to believe that it is in fact extremely relevant.
I've discovered that there is a lot to be said for the comfort level you share with the people of your own nationality. This comfort goes beyond just knowing the same customs, and possibly speaking the same language.. it includes the very fundamentals of social behavior.. what will be taken as a joke, what will be offensive, what is too presumptuous....
I find myself constantly tip toeing around this guy purely because I have no real idea of what makes him tick.. and if I had a penny for the number of times I've said 'You know, I just can't peg him'..!!
Then comes the eternal struggle of 'Does he like me, or is he just having a good time?' now compounded by the question of 'Is he naturally this remote, or is he just not interested?' .. further compounded by the question of ' Is this not going anywhere, or are foreigners just really much slower than Indians when it comes to deciding this kind of stuff?'..
Now, doesn't the arranged marriage thing sound so much more appealing?? :)..Unfortunately though for me, no matter how annoying and depressing and sometimes downright nasty the whole dating game can be, I doubt I'll ever be a player in the marriage market.
But anyway, coming back to my dilemma, the question that I seem doomed to struggle with for the near future is just how much of my problem is the cultural divide and how much of it is the man....?

Sun, No Sand.. And a Chocolate Martini...

Every time I meet a guy, my mind balks at the idea of including him in the accountings of my blog, for fear of scaring him away. What if he thinks that I am a total psycho for writing about him so soon into meeting him, or better yet, he takes offense at something I've written and I never hear from him again. And then I have to remind myself that come what may, this is my blog and this is what is happening in my life. So the devil take him and anyone else who cares :).. (But all of this is decided with a good deal of deep breathing and spine straightening)

So yes, I have met a boy.. or in all honesty, I have met a man. A very charming, and interesting and handsome man who's company I enjoy tremendously.

Now, the reason I have decided to include this man in my blog is because I wanted to share with you all, the details of the absolutely blissful weekend I just had.

What started off as a relatively innocuous weekend, with an office party on Friday night, followed by much lazing around and dinner/drinks on Saturday culminated beautifully with a gorgeous brunch at Olive Beach on Sunday afternoon, with the man in question.

It was absolute perfection from the setting, the food (although admittedly, I gorged so much on the starters and seafood, I never got as far as the main course), the champagne (which again, my unrefined palette does not permit me to enjoy), the conversation, the beautiful sunny day and of course, the company.

While it may sound like I'm gushing (which I am), I have no choice but to, because it was such a perfect day. I did absolutely nothing, all day! I ate like a pig, I drank beautiful, yummy cocktails, basked in the warmth of the sun, and waddled home to roll around in bed and watch tv. Now this is what God had in mind when he said Sunday shall be a day of rest!

And as you all have probably discerned, I am becoming very fond of this man, and I do look forward to seeing more of him, but before you all think I've gone off the deep end, let me set you straight..:).. Do I like him? Yes. Where is this going?.. I'm not sure. What I can tell you is that I'm just enjoying it, and riding this wave out for as long as it lasts... and well, in the end Que Sera Sera right?

A New Day

Recently, I hadn't been feeling the love when it came to my blog, so I decided to take some time off and give it a break till I had something of interest to write about. After having received a very gratifying message from a friend about my absence, I decided to jump back into the game. So here's what's been happening since my last post.
When you all last heard from me, I was in Mumbai and thinking of starting things off again with my ex boyfriend. Needless to say, this never panned out. We discovered that while we make extremely good friends, the minute you add something more to the equation, the whole thing goes completely off its axis. Having been seduced by the city, I was also simultaneously thinking of re establishing my roots in Mumbai, which also, (not surprisingly) did not pan out. While I was thrilled to be back in Mumbai, and couldn't imagine why I had ever left, over the course of the next few weeks I discovered that everything had changed, I had changed. I no longer felt the same connection that I used to feel with my friends, I discovered that finally, finally I had broken free of that bond that kept me so inexplicably tied to my ex boyfriend, and that while I liked to party five nights a week and piss all my money away when I'm on holiday, I have no interest in doing that on a regular basis. I don't mean to say that I didn't have a good time in Mumbai. On the contrary, I had a fantastic time with my friends, it's just that for the first time I saw Mumbai as my holiday spot and not my home.
Amazingly, with the turn of the new year, everything just started to fall into place. I returned to Bangalore, armed with a new job and no regrets. The city was finally starting to feel like home.
My first day on the job was amazing. I knew I was going to love this place before I even agreed to go for the interview. Somewhere, deep inside, my intuition was telling me to not worry about a thing, that I was meant to have this job.
This company was everything I was looking for.. small enough to feel like home, not small enough that you don't have any facilities, great people, close to home, good pay and interesting enough work. Finally, I am once again at a job where I don't dread waking up in the morning and going to work, where Monday morning fills me with anticipation instead of apprehension!
Now things have settled down a lot, and I wake up in the morning looking forward to my day whether its a Monday or a weekend, and soon, so soon, is the much awaited first salary!! Accompanied for the first time in my working life, by no debt and just a long ignored shopping list!
I'm so glad with the turn my life has taken, and I hope the Gods will forgive my insolence in saying 'after the last year I had, the universe owes me!!'